Sometimes I think I am a shitty writer, but then I think about the wifi in this hotel and suddenly I feel a lot better about myself. Let’s face it, the only reason I am alive today is because I haven’t yet managed to drown myself in Bacardi and even if I did drown myself, partly, the other part is kept afloat by the fact that I love my wife and would like to father a baby girl someday, or a boy, I am not being picky.
I have sugar, triglycerides – beyond normal and my skin is exploding. Recently, a friend brought to attention, the fact that I might have a rotten liver or a lung, who the fuck knows, L Words confuse me as it is.
All that I know is that I am in a strange city, where the television has little to no English programming, not even the fucking news!
If you’ve read thus far, I’d like you to go back to the top and read again and this time make sure you read it quickly, stopping only for punctuations and that too, reluctantly. Read it like you hate everything about the way the world works, like you’ve had a shitty fucking day and you want to water-board a few innocent kids and we just might feel like we’re on the same fucking page right about now.
I love you guys, but I feel like an intervention coming, almost as if the current season of Californication was meant to air on my behalf, so here it goes; The drinking stops now and by stop I don’t mean abstinence, because between you and me, the world needs a few fucks like me on liquor, just so that it can feel sane enough to give birth to retards who are not only a waste of life but space and time, color-coordinated. What I mean is, control and I’ll admit, I’m new to this concept of stopping oneself when its officially too much but trying new things can’t be all that bad. I had worms in Nagaland, who the fuck is Bacardi?
All said and done, I am far too proud of my leucocytes thus far to underestimate their ability to protect me from Chinese air. I’ll be fine to father a baby girl manchild, when she is due. All I need from you fucks, is to understand that I’ve been there for you in your everyday space and that I need you to do the same for me.
I’ll smoke this last frivolous cigarette to that!